Friday, September 25, 2009


They are so confusing! I am trying to understand something that I don't personally feel, so how do I pick one? I am reading and reading and everyone seems to be arguing about the nuances of the labels.

Why are labels even necessary? I think I understand a little bit why. It's so we know what to expect. A Label means it's normal, predictable, acceptable - even if it's not... It makes you fit with someone else. It means you are not alone...

So what labels are there? Any of you reading this can probably list them better than I can - transsexual, transgender, transvestite, cross-dresser, autogynephiliac, transvestitic fetish...the list goes on and on. Where does it end? What are the differences? Are there differences?

One of the hundreds of websites that I ran across (I'm sorry that I don't remember which one to give credit) wrote a snippet that is sticking in my mind... It said that Nature created the Alpha-Male to have sex with all the females. So where did that leave the other males? Somewhere on the spectrum... So the spectrum must be natural...

I have "labeled" William autogynephiliac because he feels male and masculine most of the time. It's only in the sex act that he becomes "female". He is turned on by just the thought of dressing like a woman, by feeling himself as a woman. He masturbates to photos of himself looking like a woman. He uses sex toys to make love to the woman within himself. Yet he says that when he makes love to me, he doesn't think about the woman in him.

But is he just denying feeling the woman in him other times? He answered "yes" to my question "If you could go out in public dressed as a woman and be guaranteed anonymity, would you?" And he answered "I don't know" to "Are you sexually attracted to penis's?"

So is the"autogynephilia" label even accurate?? Does it give us what we need - the ability to predict and define his behaviors, his needs? Or is this label even a little off? Can the label change as he goes through his self-discovery? Where does he fall on the the spectrum?

How am I going to know what to expect?

1 comment:

  1. Again, thank you for a very interesting and extremely important blog!

    So far I haven't found any material online written by the parters/spouses/wives. I appreciate that you write for yourself (as a way of coming to terms with all this) and for others in your own situation, but it is useful for us autogynephiliacs as well.

    As for all the confusing terms: This is a field full of taboos and undigested prejudices, both on the popular and the scientific side. No wonder it is hard to get a grip on all the terms and theories. I think we just have to admit that that we know fairly little about these phenomena, which means that we -- your readers -- will be looking just as mkuch to you for answers as providing them.

    Still, we need labels, words, terms. We use language to make the unknown known. At least we know that there is "an unknown" there now, and the word autogynephilia is as good as any others (come to think of it, it isn't very poetic, but there you go).

    Is there a spectrum from male to female and the autogynephiliac is somewhere between? Maybe, we do definite have a strong feminine side. But I suspect it is even more complicated than that.

    Dr Veronica Dranz has put up a three dimensional model, with three axes:

    1. Somatic morphology (body): Gynemorphic (female body) vs. andromorphic (male body)

    2. Sexual identity (mind): Gynecentric (feels like a woman) vs. androcentric (feels like a man)

    3. Sexual orientation (sexuality): Gynephilic (attracted to women) vs. androphilic (attracted to men)

    She argues that everyone occupies a spot in this three dimensional space ( Such a model leads to an unlimited number of combinations or positions in space, and I suspect that there may even be more dimensions.

    The fact that you walk bravely into a place where angels fear to tread is one of the reason I find your writing so very helpful and illuminating.

    I can see your pain and your confusion, but I can also see one hell of a strong and intelligent woman doing her best to understand and to help herself and the ones she loves. I salute you!