Friday, April 16, 2010

Another Spouse

I've gotten a few updates from "R" - the other spouse I wrote about before. She sounds good, hopeful. Knowing that we have made a difference for another couple - it's a satisfying feeling. Truly, it's made my month :) "R" asked a few more questions and I thought I'd share my answers with all of you - perhaps it might answer some of yours as well...

R - But I really wrestle with how far are we going to take this?? I mean, there is not ONE thing that is remotely feminine about my husband in his appearance – he is huge! 6’ 2” and as broad as a door frame and can do just about anything – and it is those very attributes that attracts me to him! What will I do when he wants to appear more feminine in the bedroom and that does NOT turn me on!?!

The one miraculous thing (for me)is that somehow I am not pining away over the lost time (14 years for gods sake) I think we just drew the line in the sand and both stepped over it and are moving forward.

Me - I'm happy for you. I hope you and your husband have the same results that we have had. I won't say "luck" because it's actually a lot of hard work. It's not easy, but it's so worth it! The line in the sand you describe - it's like that for us also. So many other things in our relationship have changed for the positive. We have a much more solid foundation now than before. Williams hears me now when I talk. I don't have to email him if I want him to remember something I said. He really looks at me now and smiles at me. He wants to hug me, hold my hand, share our lives. This is what I imagined my marriage would be like. Not that my life was bad before - it wasn't, but it's so much better now. I feel like we can weather almost anything.

As far as dressing...My husband is dark, swarthy and hairy with a mustache - imagine Freddy Mercury. Truthfully, he looks a bit silly to me in drag. But in some ways, the fact that he looks so masculine to me almost helps. I think if he looked really feminine, it would bother me more. I can't imagine making love to a girl. But even in full drag (wig and make-up and everything), my William is still my William. It's still his eyes looking at me and his mouth smiling at me. He's very vulnerable when he is dressed, but it makes me feel for him even more. Sometimes, I get pangs of "I'm not enough" , usually when other things are getting me down - or if I'm PMS'g really bad! LOL But most of the time, it feels like a sex game and it doesn't bother me at all. It doesn't remotely turn me on at all, but it doesn't turn me off either. Take it a little bit at a time - try some panties and bras first and then build up. And talk about it together! Let him know what you are thinking.