Sunday, September 12, 2010

Credit Where Credit is Due

This week, I helped my friend who lost her husband go through his computer photos, looking for ones to print out for the wake.  I can't tell you what feelings came up when we came across one particular folder titled "Unusual Ones".  It was obvious what type of photos the folder contained.  My friend was aware that her husband looked at pictures, so she wasn't upset, but it really brought up negative feelings in me.  Memories from finding certain photos from one year ago. ....  I can't begin to tell you how grateful I am that I found out about William BEFORE his passing.  So grateful I've had the opportunity to work through the anger and the hurt.  If something had happened to William, I WOULD have found his stash of clothes, toys, photos - and I would have hated him.  And I would have never been able to get past it.  So, I'm writing about this to say that if any of you out there have NOT told your spouse - and you don't intend to, then the very least, do whatever you need to do to ensure that she will NEVER find out.  Not even after you are gone.  I can't imagine what that would do to a wife who has just lost her husband.  Please, don't do that to someone who loves you. 

Now, that bit of sadness aside... I wanted to make one more statement.  It seems to me that sometimes this piece of our success gets overlooked...

William and I are doing great, but it's not because I've accepted him and everything that comes along with AGP.  It's because I have done that to the maximum degree that I could - AND because William has worked every bit as hard as I have to make our marriage work.  He has really made the effort to understand MY perspective in all of this.  He has learned to open up and communicate his feelings with me.  He and I have actively negotiated exactly what components of his desires we will incorporate into our relationship - and what we will not.  And he has been willing to compromise.  He understands that there are times when I still struggle with our situation.  He has been understanding when we come up against those few things that, for one reason or another, I am not willing or able to do.  And he honors my request that he NOT do anything solo. credit where credit is due.  This marriage has worked because of BOTH of us, not because of just one of us.  Negotiation and compromise are part of every successful marriages - and ours is no different.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Blog Post SOOOO Worth Reading!

The Crossdresser's Wife is a fabulous blog from a woman who accepts her husband's crossdressing.  So, not quite the same thing as AGP, buuuut...the attitude of acceptance, for me at least, is the same.  I absolutely LOVE this particular post titled "No One is Normal"   So true!!!  :)

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

One Year Later...

Almost one year later...and, boy, have we come a long ways, baby!

I almost feel like celebrating.  One year of an almost more real marriage.  One year of honesty.  One year of sharing.  One year. 

My best friend lost her husband this past weekend.  Sudden heart attack at age 48.  Two kids - 10 and 12 years of age.  It's made me think a lot, this week, about my marriage, about William and our relationship.  I wouldn't change William for anything - well, okay, maybe, honestly, sometimes I wish that the AGP could go, but it's also part of who my husband is.  Part of why he is the way he is.  And I love him, so..., no...I wouldn't change him for anything.  (I'd just have had him tell me sooner!)

Reality is...there's nothing earth-shattering to blog about anymore.  We are doing well.  Real Life has taken over again, AGP no longer dominates everything we do...or think about.  I still read the blogs (I'm thrilled that there is so much discussion about it!)  I'm still interested in learning more about AGP, but I'm not obsessed with it.  We are, obviously, still aware of it.  It doesn't go away.  We are still aware that William needs to be in control of it, else it gain control of him again.  So when we need to, when life gets stressful and "triggers" come up, we still talk about ways to deal with AGP, but those discussions are becoming rarer.   More and more often, we just share our needs with each other - and satisfy them together. 

I'm proud of us.  We've worked hard to make "us" work - and we are both happy.  So Congratulations to Us!