Sunday, January 3, 2010

A Happy New Year

Just a quick update since I haven't blogged in awhile: We ended up deciding to take the Christmas break "off" from our problems and just focused on having a relaxing, enjoyable time with each other and with the kids. I feel rejuvenated and am starting the new year with a calmer, more relaxed attitude. Hope abounds. William and I are doing well. We feel strong together. I have to admit, it's still not easy, especially for William. He is trying to overcome years of conditioning, of hiding himself from everyone, even himself. Although we continue to incorporate William's tastes into our marriage, there is a line that I don't want to cross. The line where William's "interests" cease to be part of a loving, sharing relationship between the two of us and transform into something very selfish. Where he crosses over to the "addictive" side of AGP. William continues to struggle to identify that line - and to stay on the right side of it. I still worry that he will "slip", but so far, he has not. We continue to have open and honest communication about it - the most important change that we have made. We seldom become angry or defensive in our conversations anymore, although we still struggle at times to find the right words that our partner will understand. We continue to see our therapist and he is quite helpful, especially with our communication. Somehow he is able to reword what we say in ways that our partner is able to understand. William and I have progressed to the point where we feel comfortable extending our sessions to every two or three weeks. We continue to work on understanding William's needs, both the cause and triggers as well as the expression, but our goal is more "to be able to discuss and resolve our problems between ourselves" rather than to "fix everything." As our therapist says, "it will never be over. Not until we are gone from this earth."

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