Friday, May 7, 2010

A Pattern Emerges

Hi all,

It's been awhile since I've posted anything, so I thought I'd get out a quick update. It's odd to think about life pre-Sept '09...and yet, sometimes...this new life almost seems surreal...

A pattern has emerged. William doesn't like it much when I point out, I think he'd prefer to think that "it" was not predictable, but it's undeniable. He's on a 28 day cycle, just like me. His cycle starts with "normal, sex as a male is good" only a couple of times a week. As the cycle progresses, William's desires gradually escalate both in frequency and in his interest in feminizing during sex. It culminates with a big session of role reversal in full drag followed by a cessation of his desires for several days. I have had issues with the "down time" after the "big event", so following the last couple of cycles, William has made efforts to reduce the number of "down days" after to only 3 or 4 - and that has worked for me.

The obvious pattern further emphasizes to me that AGP is fundamentally biological. And in some ways, it's another piece that makes it a little bit easier for me, less personal. My sense of control likes knowing what to expect and when. On the other hand, it can be frustrating when William resists recognizing it. (Not sure why - maybe the "control" again?)

I have to say, eight months post-discovery, that overall, life is excellent. It does sadden me, sometimes, to think about having to deal with this in our lives. I don't dwell on it - it's not worth it, it just crosses my mind occasionally. Then again, no one's life is perfect...and I wouldn't change one other thing about William, so ultimately, it's just life... and it's good.

Hope all is well with all of you out there. God Bless.



  2. This website will help you understand the high's and lows of sexual arousal, the coolidge effect, and the relationship to dopamine and sex addiction.

  3. Hi Susanne, This is Suzie. I'm glad your back and that you and William are on track. AGP is scary. It also must be scary to watch your man metamorphize into a woman every month, only to become a man again, until the next transition. It is very strange and it is overpowering. I think that the comparison to your cycle is very appropros. The body gets ready for the big event. No pregnancy, menstral cycle, and again, for your entire life. For us girls, it is different. Every day, we wake up as men. As the day turns into night, the demons come out, and we slowly become girls. Maybe it is sex addiction, maybe it is something else. But whatever it is, it is disruptive. It also is a source of both shame and pleasure. On the one hand, you feel embarrassed that you look at a woman, and wonder what it is like to have big boobs or a perfect butt. The man, on the other hand, wonders what that woman looks like in the raw. At the same time, you can feel pleasure by putting on a bra or panties, painting your face, and just prancing around like a little girl. If you think you are confused, think about how it is for us "girls." My mom always said that it is hard being a woman. It is particularly hard to be a woman when you a man. Thanks for accepting all of William. Your acceptance of him makes it easier for me to accept myself as a woman. Fondly your sister, Suzie

  4. I appreciate the comment, Suzie. I can imagine William saying the very same thing about how confusing this is for him. And yet, at the same time, he is very comfortable in the role. It's confusing for all of us, isn't it...

    And Anonymous, thanks for the link. I'll check it out.